Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
