in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
