first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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