I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
