8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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