True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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