I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You pole danced in your parka.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
