$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
