new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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