I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
