How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
