I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
