She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
