Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
