well I can't set my house on fire every night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is wine microwaveable?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
