He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
