He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
