when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
