found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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