i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
