Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
