im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
