P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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