There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
