you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
