she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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