If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
