My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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