if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
