I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
