I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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