I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
