please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drake has all the answers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
