i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
