I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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