; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
