A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
