im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
