I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
