So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
