I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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