i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
