that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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