Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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