Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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