My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
