So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
