What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
