I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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