I wish I could teleport
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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