I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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