it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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