We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
