It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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