i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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