i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
