Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
