i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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