girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
