Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
