When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
