I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy