Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.