let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart