You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue