hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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