It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need help removing her.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
