I just cut my nipple shaving
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just high enough for therapy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
