Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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