She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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