I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
