farters have to be the big spoon...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
