just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
