At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
