if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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