god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
