Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
