So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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