So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
